


the june video

by possumdnp



Series: The June Video [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2018, Coming Out, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Queer Themes, interactive introverts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:01:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22745962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/possumdnp/pseuds/possumdnp
Summary: Dan posts “the June Video” as originally planned... in 2018, right in the middle of the Interactive Introverts tour.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: The June Video [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1641856
Comments: 14
Kudos: 73





	the june video

**Author's Note:**

> Based on some interesting thoughts I read on tumblr. I tried to stick to “canon” as much as possible, but please forgive any inaccuracies or lack of realism!

It’s beyond stupid to do this _now_ of all times. He _knows_ that.

They’ve got the tour coming up in a few months, and all of the planning and rehearsals and everything else that goes along with touring. And then there’s the gaming channel and their own channels to worry about.

There’s really no time for Dan to also come out to his family _and_ make a coming out video to post in June, right in the middle of their tour.

But his brain is still telling him it’s a great idea, that he absolutely _needs_ to do it now, that this would be the perfect way for him to follow through on his promise to live his truth. Plus the pure aesthetic value of posting his coming out video during Pride Month? Perfect.

(He really hates his dedication to his aesthetic sometimes.)

He’s been talking to his therapist about this for a good year now. She’s helped talk him through his fears and misgivings. What would be the worst case scenario? What would be the best?

And even though it’s terrifying, he thinks that he’s ready to come out to the world, on his own terms, in his own words. No one else’s. He’s sick of hiding and denying who he is.

\---

“I want to make a coming out video,” he tells Phil over dinner, because he’s made up his mind. He’s doing it.

“Okay. This isn't just because of ‘Trying to Live My Truth,’ is it?” Phil’s been so supportive this week, not getting annoyed when Dan’s had mini-meltdowns over internet comments, and letting him talk.

“No.” Dan shrugs. “Well, maybe a bit. I kinda really hated seeing people taking that as my official coming out video or something.”

Phil nods. “I know.”

“I just... I really hate putting something out there and having people focus on the crude sex joke instead of the rest of what I was trying to say. My sexuality is more than just, well, sex, you know?” He sighs. “So I’ve decided I want to be brave and make it right.”

“You know you’re plenty brave no matter what you do, right?” Phil says softly, nudging at Dan’s foot under the table. “No matter if you make this video, or if you never come out at all?”

“I know. I just think this is something I need to do.” Dan looks at him for a long moment. “Would you be okay with that?”

Phil shrugs, looking unphased, a drastic difference to Dan’s inner turmoil. “Of course. It’s your video, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but it’s outing you too, isn’t it? I’m gonna have to mention you, probably. How you helped me.”

Phil tilts his head and gives him a cheeky smile. “Hmmm. Yeah, I suppose you will have to mention me.” He takes a bite of rice. “It’s not really outing me, though. Haven’t I always told you I’d come out when you were ready?”

Dan knows this. Phil’s actually been ready for a few years now.

“When are you thinking of coming out, then?” Phil continues.

“June.” He watches as Phil stiffens in surprise, half the rice falling off his fork. “Pride Month, you know?”

_“June?”_ Phil reiterates. “This June? In the middle of tour?”

“I know. But if I don’t do it this June, I’ll have to wait until next year to come out.” It made so much sense in his head, but now that he’s saying it out loud, his own self-imposed limits sound daft to his ears. Phil’s ears too, probably, but he’s not showing it.

Phil sets his fork down on his plate. “You’re ready for this? Like, you know how big of a step this is for us. You’re going to have to tell your family.”

Dan takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Yeah, I know I will. But I think I’m ready.”

They talk through the rest of the night, about how this might affect their tour and their channels, and by the time they go to bed, Dan’s even more committed to the idea.

By July first, he’s going to be out to the world.

\---

He sits down and writes the first draft of the script over the next two days. He always thinks of himself as a huge procrastinator, so he surprises himself when he actually gets this much done.

But he's finding it's pretty easy to write about himself and his own experiences, and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t had the bare bones of this video in the back of his brain for the last few years.

And really, he doesn’t want his proper coming out video to be yet another thing he procrastinates on. He’s already procrastinated on it so much. He needed to, of course. He wouldn’t have been ready five years ago, or even last year. But he thinks he’s ready now. He’s ready to stop procrastinating and start telling people.

Except... even if the words are coming easily to him, it's still stressing him the fuck out. Now that he's started, he can't seem to stop thinking about it. It's consuming his entire being, as his personal projects tend to do.

And that means he hasn’t been able to sleep for days.

He spends his nights staring up at the ceiling and listening to Phil breathing next to him. They’ve got a meeting first thing tomorrow with the IRL team to finalize their tour merch designs. He needs to finish editing a gaming video. Their stage show production manager, Mike, wants to meet in the afternoon to chat about the details of the tour.

Dan can’t afford not to sleep, really, but he’s been lying here for going on three hours, and he’s no more asleep than he was before.

He glances over at the soundly sleeping Phil. His new quiff is messy, and it’s still a bit of shock to look over and see the old emo fringe gone. It was a hard decision for Phil to make, to chop off the fringe. He knows that Phil envied how easy it was for Dan to wake up one day last year and decide that straightening his hair was too much effort, and that he was just going to let it do its own thing.

But he envies Phil for being so open to coming out. (He knows they’re not really comparable in the slightest, hairstyles and sexualities, but sometimes, it feels like they are for how much importance they have in their house.)

As quietly as possible, he gets out of bed, grabs his laptop, and heads out of the room. Phil doesn’t even move, just stays soundly asleep.

Dan edits his coming out script until the first rays of light appear at the window, at which point he shuts his laptop and heads back to bed. It’s nearly finished, and seeing all of his thoughts put neatly into script form makes him feels a great sense of calm. Plus, he thinks he may even be tired enough to sleep now.

When he climbs back under the covers, Phil cuddles into his warmth. “Where did you go?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” He wraps his arms around Phil and kisses his forehead. “It’s okay. Go back to sleep.”

\---

He has limited time to film, with all of the other stuff they have going on. But luckily, this is a pretty simple video, production-wise. He buys a black backdrop and a pack of coloured light filters to complete his vision, and they set it up in a corner of their flat.

All he has to do now is stand in front of it and talk. It should be easy enough, but it’s not. He keeps stumbling over his words, and changing his mind about things he wants to say, how he should word things. He keeps thinking about extra things he should include, new moments of his life that help properly tell his story to the world.

The video grows in length, until he has about twenty different takes of it, and it’s looking like it’s going to be a whole hour long. Jesus fucking christ.

But there’s still one sticking point.

He’s still procrastinating on telling his family, and that part of the script doesn’t exist yet. It’s just a blank space that says _“talk about telling my family.”_

It only serves to make him feel anxious every time he looks at it, and he’s finally decided that he’s had enough. He’s gonna tell them, even if it's by the world's stupidest medium, email.

It ends up taking him a whole hour to press send. He watches the cursor blink at him, and his finger continues to hover over his laptop’s trackpad. Finally, with trembling hands, he clicks the send button, and the message is off.

\---

(When they email him back, they tell him they love him no matter what. It makes Dan feel like he’s the luckiest person alive.)

\---

“So I’m making a coming out video,” he tells Martyn over lunch one day. It’s just a few weeks before their first show in Brighton. “I’ll be posting it in June, during Pride Month.”

Martyn freezes, about to take a bite of his sandwich. A tomato falls from the sandwich, onto the plate with a splat. He puts the sandwich down and wipes his hands on his napkin.

“I just thought you should know,” Dan finishes, a little more hesitantly.

“Um. Are you sure this is a good idea?” Martyn says. “I’m gonna be frank with you, Dan. I don’t know if it is.”

Dan's heart falls to the fucking floor, because he thought of anyone, Martyn would support his decision unconditionally, smile and congratulate him for finally feeling ready to tell the world. 

“Mar,” Phil says in a warning tone.

Martyn shoots his brother a look. “I just think it might be wiser to wait.” His voice has taken on a brisk, business-like tone, not at all the comforting big brother tone he normally has with Dan. It makes him feel like a child being admonished for breaking the rules.

“I understand where you're coming from, Martyn,” Dan says firmly. “But it’s my life. I’ve thought about it a lot, and I know we're busy, but I really think I need to do it.”

Martyn sighs. “Okay. I just want you to think about it seriously. This is more than you posting a coming out video. You have your tour to think about. What if things go wrong? What if venues pull out of their contracts with us because of this? Not everywhere we’re going is as accepting as London and, I dunno, Seattle. We’re going to Russia, Dan, and lots of other places.”

Dan resists the urge to roll his eyes, because that definitely won’t help Martyn take him seriously. “I’ll be posting it mid-June, that week we have off. We’re going to Russia the very beginning of June, so that won’t even matter.”

Martyn nods curtly, like he doesn’t quite believe him.

“I _am_ thinking about it seriously,” Dan continues. “Do you know how challenging it’s been, feeling like I’m living a lie?” He forces himself to stay quiet and calm, because they’re in public. Also because he genuinely loves Martyn like he’s his own brother, and it wouldn’t do well to get properly angry at him.

Martyn eyes him. “I don’t know exactly how you feel, no. But I’ve watched you and Phil grow up, and I know that it hasn’t been easy.” He twists his napkin in his hands. “I just don’t want you to make this harder for yourself than you have to. Because if you come out, Phil’s gonna be out too, even if he doesn’t post a video.”

“Yeah, that’s the plan,” Phil says. “I'm posting something too. Probably not a whole video, but a tweet or something. I don’t mind, Martyn, seriously. I’d be perfectly fine being out to the world. Dan knows that. We’ve talked about it. And you know we’ve been pushing our boundaries lately in gaming videos and stuff. Lots of people who watch us already know we’re gay and together.”

Martyn rubs at his forehead. “Listen. I’m not gonna tell you guys what to do. It’s your life. I just- I would think about this if I were you. I would wait until the tour’s done. But I’m not you.” He stands up. “I’m gonna go wash my hands. Be right back.”

They watch him head to the toilets. He looks stiff and agitated.

“Well,” Dan says. “That didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.”

“Dan.” Phil holds his gaze from across the table, and nudges at his foot under the table. “He’ll come around. Don’t let him get you down. And it’s not his choice, it’s ours. He’s not the one who’s coming out. Please, please don’t overthink it.”

“I know,” Dan says, and then proceeds to overthink it for the rest of the day.

\---

And the rest of the week.

They’ve just posted “A Week in the Life of Dan and Phil!” to positive reception. People are legitimately excited for their tour, and it feels so good to Dan to see people raving about something that’s been a concept in their heads for so long.

Their Sims series is going over equally as well. It feels strangely on-point to be giving Dab and Evan the queer teen romance of Dan’s dreams now that he’s simultaneously working on coming out to everyone in his life.

Their subscribers seem to love the new teen Sims storyline though, and that gives him a lot of hope for how his and Phil's coming out might go. The comments are awash with positivity and excitement, and Dan’s even seen some cute fanart of teen Dab and Evan. It makes him smile every time he comes across it on twitter.

But he hasn’t even tried editing his coming out video since they had lunch with Martyn. His concerns have gotten to Dan, more than he wants to admit, and he’s started doubting himself.

“Maybe I shouldn’t post it,” he says to Phil, when Phil brings it up. “Maybe he's right. I should wait until next June instead.”

“Bullshit,” Phil says. “I told you, Dan. Don’t let my brother get you down about this. He hasn’t been thinking about it for months like we have. And I’m behind you a hundred and ten percent, no matter what you choose.”

“I know. It’s just- what he said makes sense, you know? This really could actually affect our tour. Venues could cancel on us. And what if coming out goes badly, and everyone hates us for lying to them, and no one shows up at all? It’s not just us depending on this tour, Phil. It’s the merch team, and your brother, and Marianne, and Mike, and-”

“Dan.” Phil takes his hands. “Shhhh. Breathe with me.” They breathe quietly together, in and out, in and out. He feels himself relax just a bit. “I worry about all that stuff too.”

“You do?”

“It’s me, Dan. You know how anxious I get. Of course I think about that kind of stuff and worry about it.”

“Do you think we shouldn’t come out then?”

“No, I still think we should if we want to. We’re ready, and it’s our decision to make, not Martyn’s or anyone else’s. Maybe a few people won’t come to the tour because of this, but would we want them to come anyway if they were bigots?”

“No, I guess not.”

“And loads of queer singers and artists tour the world without incident. Like, I dunno, Elton John.”

Dan snorts. “Nice modern reference there, Phil.” He doesn’t say anything more, just concentrates on the feeling of Phil’s hands holding his, how warm and gentle they feel.

“You’re doing this for you.” Phil shakes his head. “No. _We’re_ doing this for _us,_ because we decided that we felt confident and safe enough to be out at this point in our lives.” He smiles at Dan. “Besides, when have we ever been practical?”

Dan thinks about how they built their career on a hope and a prayer and some cat whiskers drawn in Sharpie on their faces.

Yeah, they’ve never really been practical.

\---

Their UK tour goes amazingly well. There’s a few technical glitches, and they have to rework a few parts of it early on, but the audience seems to love it, and they’re having the time of their lives.

The most incredible part is just how many people present them with pride flags to sign, and tell them how their videos have had such a positive impact on them.

“It’s like a mini pride parade,” Phil whispers in his ear as they stand behind a wall and look out at the sea of people in front of them. No matter where they’ve gone, there have been so many rainbows on t-shirts and flags that people are carrying. It nearly brings tears to his eyes.

Unexpectedly, it’s the same in Russia. Dan had thought naively that Russia would be like what he’s heard about on the news. He’d taken the earring out of his ear and paid even more attention to normal about how closely he’d stood to Phil. He’d thought that maybe all Russians hated gay people.

But the venue is much like any other on their tour so far. People still give him pride flags to sign and tell him in accented English how much he’s helped them.

It changes his perspective in a big way.

After their Russia show, they go out to eat, splitting some sort of dumpling dish and some stroganoff. It’s delicious, and they eat every bite.

“I wasn’t expecting to like Russia this much,” Dan says after they arrive back to their hotel room. He watches from the bed as Phil removes his jeans and changes into his pajamas.

“Me too. I like it here a lot.”

“I think,” Dan says. Pauses. Swallows. “I think this made me want to come out even more. I don’t know if that’s weird to say. I think this really... challenged my assumptions, you know. About who our subscribers are and what we might mean to them.”

Phil flops down on the bed. “Yeah. Same here.” He grins up at Dan. “On all accounts.”

Dan beams back. Phil is the actual best, and he wouldn’t want to be touring the world with anyone else.

\---

Their European tour concludes on the seventeenth in Sweden, and they head back home for some much needed rest.

Except not really, because they’ve got just a week to edit videos and record more stuff for the gaming channel.

And Dan’s putting the finishing tweaks on his own coming out video.

Hector had emailed him all the finished art when they were still touring in mainland Europe, and it looks _so fucking good_ when he puts it into the video. It makes it look complete, and his instincts were right; these endearing googly-eyed illustrations work a lot better than his usual silly cut-away skits. They bring a certain charm to the video.

And finally, finally, Dan has a video he thinks is complete. That he’d be happy letting the world see.

He shows it to Phil, and they watch it together. It ended up at forty-five minutes long, and at the end, he turns to Phil.

Phil’s got a tear trickling down his cheek, and a big smile on his face.

“What did you think?”

“Dan. I _loved_ it.”

\---

(Somehow, it’s easier to upload and post the video than it was to email his family.)

\---

The internet explodes in love and support. There’s a few hate comments too, but they get buried in an outpouring of positivity, and Dan’s stunned.

He’s also beyond exhausted. It feels like he’s run ten marathons for how much adrenaline has coursed through his body in the past few days, and he’s glad they’ve already finished recording their gaming channel videos. There’s no way he could record another video in the happily-delirious state he’s in right now. He even has to force himself to close down his computer so he doesn’t spend hours reading comment after comment.

He’s extremely glad he has several days to relax before they have to be on a plane to America. He wishes he had more time to decompress, honestly; he had no idea this would take so much out of him.

But finally, he finds himself able to sleep. It’s like coming out to this overwhelmingly positive response has soothed his nerves.

And Phil’s been next to him the whole time, giving him the most positive feedback of all. That’s probably the best part.

“Are you ever gonna make a proper video?” Dan asks sleepily. It’s barely seven in the evening now, but he kinda wants to go to bed.

“No, I don’t think so,” Phil says. “I think the tweet was enough for now.” He’d tweeted earlier today to promote Dan’s video, a funny tweet about his eventual coming out video being low-key.

It was important for him that there’s no ambiguity left, so he’d also posted another tweet, a short, funny clip of him peeking out of his closet and announcing that he’s gay.

Dan had helped him record multiple takes of it, and he’d picked the one where he’d hit his knee upon closing the door. It was so perfectly Phil: light-hearted, charming, and low-key.

“I’ve been thinking that I could make a Draw My Life Part Two after the tour,” Phil adds softly. “Clarify some things. I do want to talk about it on my channel, you know. I want to be fully out to everyone, no ambiguity left about me.”

“Yeah.” _Fully out._ It sounds good. And with an excited jolt to his stomach, he realizes that it describes him now. He’s fully out.

\---

Someone’s ringing their doorbell. That’s not unusual; they get most of the things they need delivered, because they’re lazy. But it’s early, and it’s woken him up.

Dan was really looking forward to the lie-in with Phil today. They’ve only got a few days left in the UK, after all, and it feels nice to sleep in their own bed and share lazy mornings together.

The doorbell rings again.

“Go get it,” Phil grumbles, pulling the covers over his head. “I’m sleeping.”

“Sure you are, buddy,” Dan says. He smacks at Phil’s bum and gets up, pulling a t-shirt on before leaving the room.

To his surprise, it’s not the postman at the door, but Martyn Lester.

“Martyn? What are you doing here?” Dan asks, blinking blearily at his brother-in-law.

“Can I come in?” Martyn says. “I’m sorry it’s so early.” He looks down at Dan’s pajama pants. “You were probably sleeping, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, we were.” He stands back and lets Martyn into the flat. “What’s up?”

“I wanted to congratulate you two,” he says. “I’m proud of you.”

“I thought you didn’t want us coming out during tour.”

“I didn’t. I don’t. I dunno.” Martyn paces a bit before perching himself on their sofa. “It’s not about your happiness, I promise. I love and care about you as much as I do my own brother, Dan. I want you to be happy, and if that means coming out, then so be it. And your video was amazing. One of your best ones yet.”

“Thanks.”

Martyn sighs and looks around. “I guess I’m just here to tell you that I support you, even if I don’t agree with your decision from a business perspective. But I don’t want you guys to be upset with me, or think that I don’t support you because of what I said during lunch that one day.”

“I get it,” Dan says, and he suddenly feels a spark of anger flare up at Martyn. “But my life’s not a business. I shouldn’t have to treat it like one.”

Martyn fidgets and won’t look him in the eye. “Um. Yeah.”

Dan looks at him curiously. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Martyn pauses, then nods. “Yeah, there is, actually. Mike and Marianne both called me. Said you weren’t picking up.”

“Yeah. Me and Phil had our phones on silent. They were blowing up with like a million texts and notifications yesterday.”

Martyn nods. “Well, the thing is, Mexico’s a no-go as of right now. The venue backed out.”

Dan blinks and feels the world closing in on him. The words make no sense. “What the fuck? Are you serious?”

Martyn shrugs. “Yeah.”

“Because of this?”

“I have no idea, Dan. They didn’t say. I mean, you know how venues can be about YouTubers. You know we’ve been having problems with Mexico and Brazil. It could be purely coincidence that it happened yesterday, nothing at all related to your video. Or it might be related. None of us know for sure.”

“Then we’ll find another venue that’ll take us,” Dan says stubbornly. “Even if I have to book it myself. I’m not gonna let anyone down.”

“Dan? What’s going on?” Phil’s voice drifts sleepily from the entrance to the lounge.

“Ask your brother,” Dan says before stalking out of the room. He can’t listen to Martyn say those words twice.

\---

He’s angry and sad and tired. They both are, but they don’t talk about it much after Martyn leaves. Some of the good feelings of yesterday have evaporated, popping like a soap bubble.

Dan sits with his laptop and looks up other possible venues in Mexico City and then remembers why they’d gone with that venue in the first place. It was by far the best-sized, best-priced theatre in the area, one that frequently catered to a younger audience. He’s quickly realizing that Mexico might be a lost cause at this point.

He slams his laptop shut.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Phil says wearily.

“It is, though. Maybe Martyn’s right, and I shouldn’t have posted the video right now.”

“Hey. Look at me.” Dan does, even though he’s struggling not to cry and doesn’t want Phil to see. “They didn’t give a reason why they canceled us. Martyn said that. And it was a long shot that Mexico was even going to work out anyway. You know that. We were having a lot of difficulties with it before now, and this wasn’t the first venue to cancel on us.”

Dan shrugs. “I guess.”

“Dan.”

“I just feel like I mess everything up.”

_“Dan.”_ Phil pulls the laptop from off the floor and opens it. “Look at all of these comments. Look how many lives we’ve impacted. Hundreds of thousands. More than any one show.”

Dan looks at the comments and feels a little bit better, but not all the way. It’s impossible not to let this get him down.

“Let’s take it easy today. We did a big thing yesterday, yeah?” Phil smiles sadly, and Dan knows that even though he’s trying to be positive right now, he’s just as disappointed as Dan is. “So let’s celebrate. No tour business, no phones. We’ll figure out our Mexico show another day.”

Dan thinks back to how he wanted to start the day, a lazy morning in bed with Phil, and the thought sounds so appealing, he might actually cry.

He stands up and takes Phil’s hand, pulling him up and off the sofa and back to the comfort and safety of their bed.

\---

A few days later, they fly to America and it’s uneventful. Dan doesn’t know what he was expecting. Hordes of their subscribers mobbing them at the airport, asking them questions? Homophobes picketing their very existence?

But they don’t run into anyone. Dan gets his suitcase packed on time, and they make it to the airport with two hours to spare. They buy coffee and pastries at the airport Starbucks. Phil reads a book while Dan listens to music and people-watches. It feels just like any other time they’ve set out on an adventure together.

Except it’s totally different, because Dan keeps thinking about what their first American show’s going to be like. His stomach keeps flipping unpleasantly, and he’s glad when their plane finally boards so he can have a distraction for just a minute or two.

\---

“Hello, lads.”

Dan looks up to see Mike, their stage show production manager, coming into the back room of the theatre. Marianne’s next to him, and she smiles kindly when she sees Dan and Phil.

“Congrats, you two,” she says. “I know I told you over the phone, but I thought it needed to be said again.”

“Thanks,” Phil says, his voice perhaps a touch too bright, overcompensating for the fact that they haven’t exactly made things easy for their managers.

“I’m proud of you too, but listen,” Mike says. “Like I said in my email, Marianne and I would like to go over different scenarios with you. I think it would make all of us feel a little calmer.”

They all exchange a knowing laugh. Dan’s strangely glad he’s not the only one feeling awkward and anxious for their upcoming show.

Mike opens his notebook up. “Okay. Marianne? Do you want to start?”

“Sure. Let’s talk about how you’re going to handle meet-and-greets.”

She talks them through what they can say if someone tries to ask them too-personal questions, what to do if someone gets pushy, what their physical boundaries are now.

It makes Dan realize that nothing’s really changed on this front. They may be out, but they’re still not going to talk about their relationship to anyone. It’s all about being polite and firm with your boundaries, Marianne says, and Dan’s more than familiar with how to do that. He’s done it enough in the past.

When they’re through with talking about the meet-and-greets, Mike asks them more about show-related questions. What they’ll do if someone shouts out something lewd, or too personal.

“Do you still want to do the _“What’s in Dan’s Box?”_ section of the show still?” Mike asks. “It’d be easy to change it up, make it less personal-”

“Of course we do,” Dan cuts him off stubbornly, and Phil nods.

“We can’t give people a totally different show just because we came out, Mike,” Phil says. “That’s not fair to anyone. We’ve thought about this more than you’d think.”

“Okay.” Mike nods and flips through his notebook. “Ah. One last thing. Should we select any sexuality-related answers that the audience sent in? We haven’t in the past - I didn’t even ask you for the European shows. But you should know that they’re not uncommon. Young people asking for advice on how to come out. Truth Bombs answers related to sexuality. Things like that.”

Phil turns to Dan and shrugs.

“I think we’d be okay with you choosing one, maybe two sexuality-related suggestions for the whole show.” Dan swallows. “I don’t want it to seem like we’re ignoring the elephant in the room, you know?”

Phil nods. “Yeah. But we definitely don’t want _everything_ to be about our sexuality now, either. Because that’s not all we are.”

“One or two, got it,” Mike says, scribbling a note down in his notebook. “Great. That’s all from me. Any other questions?”

They shake their heads, and Mike and Marianne leave them be.

“Nervous about the show?” Phil whispers, reaching over and squeezing his hand.

“A bit.”

“I’m _really_ nervous,” Phil says. “Maybe even more nervous than I was for our first show in Brighton.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. But I’m also excited.” He grins at Dan. “We’re out.”

They’re out. Finally.

\---

They’re both antsy before their Philadelphia meet-and-greet. Dan keeps pacing around, and Phil’s sitting there his foot tapping anxiously as he distracts himself with some game on his phone.

This is the first time they’ll meet their subscribers in a post-coming out universe, and Dan honest to god doesn’t know what to expect. It’s not like Dan’s not prepared for whatever might happen.

What if the absolute worst happens and it turns out he wasn’t prepared? What if no one shows up? What if they ask him a bunch of personal questions? What if they tell him they hate him?

But they _do_ show up, and they _don’t_ hate him. If anything, the hugs are tighter, and everyone’s eager to tell him how brave he is for coming out, how much the video meant to them personally. No angry parents yell at him for corrupting their children.

And by some miracle, only a few people ask them overly personal questions.

One person during their first meet-and-greet tells them they make a cute couple and asks them to sign a decidedly romantic piece of fanart. Another person asks them point-blank if they’re still dating, a question that they manage to politely deflect. And, with Marianne’s help, they keep the meet-and-greet line moving.

\---

The American shows are different. The audiences seem more rapt. It feels like people are staring into his soul in a way they weren’t in the UK or Europe, watching his every movement. Being seen is terrifying, Dan realizes, but it also feels good.

The shouted-out suggestions during the _“What’s in Dan’s Box”_ segment are undeniably gayer. The standard “a fursuit” and “dying houseplants” answers are replaced with “a pride flag” and “his sexuality.”

This is the part of the show they have the least control over, and it was honestly the segment that scared Dan the most going into tonight. His words sound a little bit forced, like he’s trying to be too cheerful and too jokey about a subject that still hits him deep, but the audience seems to be eating it up. It all goes fine, and soon enough, they’re moving onto the next part of the show.

It seems like no time at all has passed before they’re singing the Interactive Introverts theme, and if more people than usual “awwww” and cheer when he sings, _“But Dan enjoyed this world all alone, until he met a black-haired emo boy called AmazingPhil,”_ then, well. Dan won’t deny that they were insanely lucky to have met each other.

\---

Their Denver show goes smoothly, and then they’re off to Texas. It’s swelteringly hot, and Dan feels his black shirt sticking to his skin whenever he’s outside. The air conditioning in the venue feels like a blessing.

They’re in the middle of their first Texas meet-and-greet, when a girl who can’t be more than fourteen comes up to them.

“Are you excited for the show?” Phil asks as they both sign the cute fanart she hands them, their arms crossed in a well-practiced motion.

“Yeah, really excited,” she says, and then she looks hesitant. “Um, would you mind signing this too?” She holds out a small rainbow flag with shaking hands. “It’s just- my friend was supposed to come to this show, but her mom- her mom wouldn’t let her.” She’s gazing down at her feet, her face red.

Dan quickly puts two and two together, with the rainbow flag and how the girl won’t quite meet their eyes. She’s trying to be polite and spare his and Phil’s feelings. Dan’s stomach plummets to his feet.

“Oh my god, of course,” he says, and he takes the flag from her. He wants to apologize, wants to tell this girl that he’s sorry her friend couldn’t come because of him being out. But the words stick in his throat. He doesn’t even know her name, and he can’t just burden a young fan with apologies and guilt.

She takes the flag back, wishes them good luck on their show, and then she’s gone as quickly as she arrived, time for the next fan to greet them. Dan doesn’t forget her though.

The stream of meet-and-greets finally ends, and they head backstage to get ready. Once they’re alone, save for a few crew members milling about, Phil pulls Dan into a hug.

“That really affected you, didn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Dan swallows. “I just - I didn’t think us coming out and trying to be happy and live our truth might actually have consequences,” he says, even though that’s not true at all, and they both know it. _Of course_ he’d thought about it. There’s not a consequence he _hasn’t_ pondered in his nights spent awake, staring at the ceiling.

It’s just harder being confronted with it face-to-face.

“We’re still giving people hope though,” Phil whispers before pulling back from the hug. “I bet that girl’s friend took a lot of meaning from your video. Even if she wasn’t allowed to come to the show. Your words still mean a lot to her.”

Dan imagines the girl’s friend having to hide that little pride flag with his and Phil’s signatures on it from her parents, probably along with her own sexuality, and it makes him want to cry just a bit, because he knows exactly how that feels.

\---

One of the questions in the show that night is, “Hey Dan and Phil! I want to come out to my parents, but I don’t know how. Help?” from someone named Jamie.

Dan looks over at Phil and they share a silent, reassuring look. _It’s okay. We talked about this with Mike. We know what to do._

“So, if you’re not aware, we both just came out online,” Dan starts, and the audience cheers deafeningly. “It was terrifying. But you know what was more terrifying? Telling my own mum.” The audience laughs collectively. “Seriously.”

Phil nods. “I think there’s something about talking to your parents about your sexuality that’s just incredibly awkward. Like, remember when you were a preteen and your parents sat you down for The Talk?”

Dan shudders exaggeratedly. “The Talk is absolutely not something we’re gonna talk about, Phil,” he says. “No one wants that from us.”

“But to answer your question, Jamie,” Phil says, “make sure you’re safe. If you’re still at home and you’re not sure how your parents will react, consider waiting until you’re older and can support yourself. There’s absolutely no shame in keeping yourself safe.” He catches Dan’s eye, and Dan smiles and nods. It’s a good answer, not too personal, but exactly what he would have suggested.

And then they move onto a silly question about someone who’s considering adopting a hamster, and the night goes on like nothing’s changed.

\---

Dan cries that night when they’re back in the safety of their hotel room, full on sobs into Phi’s shirt, because he’s exhausted and overwhelmed with emotion from the day. He thinks about meet-and-greet girl and her friend. He thinks about Jamie’s question about coming out to their parents, and how it had felt to stand up on a stage and talk openly about being gay.

Phil rubs his back and strokes his hair until he calms down.

“This was probably way too much, wasn’t it?” he asks Phil, when he can talk without getting choked up. “Coming out right in the middle of touring?”

Phil hums, neither confirming nor denying it. “How are you feeling?”

Dan considers. “Really, really tired. But I also feel lighter?” Like he’s not carrying the whole world on his shoulders anymore. Like it’d be okay if someone makes a crude gay joke during one of the sections of their show, because now it’s not a mystery if they’re gay. They could say _“yes, and…?”_ and move on. They’re gay, and it’s great.

He sits up and wipes at his eyes. “How are you feeling?” He feels incredibly selfish sometimes, like he doesn’t put enough weight on the fact that Phil has also recently come out to the world. It may have been in a low-key, humourous six-second video of him literally coming out of a closet, but he still opened up to millions of people, just like Dan. That still look a hell of a lot of bravery.

Phil adjusts himself on the bed, propping his aching back on the pillows. “‘Lighter’ is a good word.” He smiles. “I think it’s been pretty great, yeah? Meeting everyone and hearing how much it’s impacted people?”

Dan sniffs. “Yeah. I’ve liked that bit a lot.”

\---

The American section of their tour speeds by, and before they know it, they’re flying to Australia. Dan plans on watching several movies on the way there - it’s a long-ass flight, after all - but he and Phil ends up sleeping on each other’s shoulders the whole way.

Australia is a breath of fresh air, literally. They spend a lot of time outside, and they’re able to relax a bit and take a break. Dan feels like he sleeps for days. It’s so quiet in this Airbnb, and it’s like his body doesn’t remember what it’s like to sit still for this long. Meeting fans has been incredible, but having time to just lie around feels like a gift.

There’s a pool at their place, a nice heated one with beach chairs that they lounge on every afternoon, soaking up the Australian winter sun.

Dan’s currently half-dozing, his shirt off so maybe he can get a bit of that D vitamin. Phil’s in the chair next to him, his shirt also off. He seems to have fallen asleep. Dan sometimes opens his eyes and lets his gaze wander across Phil’s broad, pale shoulders, and down his chest to his belly button, and the trail of hair that leads under his swim shorts.

Maybe they’ll go for a swim together later. Or maybe they’ll head back to their room and spend some quality alone time together. There hasn’t been much time for that this year, and Dan would be lying if he said he didn’t miss having more free time for sex.

This is a proper holiday, he thinks. Sleeping and fucking and exploring nature, all with his best friend. He’s so glad they factored some time into their schedule for this.

“Hey, you guys awake?” he hears Martyn say in a quiet voice, interrupting his very pleasant daydream about Phil and their nice big bed in their room.

He cracks an eye open. “I am.” He glances over at Phil, who’s still fast asleep. “Don’t know if he is, though.”

“That’s fine.” Martyn sits down on the beach chair next to Dan’s. “Are we okay?”

Dan blinks in the sunlight, his eyes focusing on Martyn. He looks a bit nervous.

“What?”

“Things have been tense between the three of us lately, haven’t they? And I really don’t want them to be.”

Dan looks down, feeling awkward. “A bit, yeah. I feel like we’ve really disappointed you.”

“You haven’t. Not really.” He shakes his head. “It’s so hard being business partners sometimes, isn’t it? Sometimes I wish I was simply Phil’s brother, and simply your brother-in-law, and that I could support you from my heart without having to think about anything else.”

“Do you still think that us coming out when we did was a mistake?” Dan asks bluntly.

Martyn shakes his head. “I think it would’ve had its challenges no matter when you chose to do it. But you’re out now, and I’m really happy and proud for you both.” He offers a smile, which Dan returns.

“Thanks.”

“Corn and I were thinking of going to the beach this afternoon. You and Phil want to come with?”

“Yeah. That sounds great.”

“Cool. Well, I’ll leave you be. When Phil wakes up, we can get some lunch and head out.”

He watches Martyn head back into the Airbnb, and he stretches his tired limbs and sits up.

\---

By the time they start performing again in Australia, it feels almost normal to have people congratulating them on coming out and making references to their sexuality.

_Almost._ It’s still a shock to his system whenever he really thinks about the fact that they’re actually out now, and he still feels overwhelmed if he lets himself think about it long enough.

And it’s still a shock whenever his mum texts him out of the blue to ask how he and Phil are doing. Once, she even sent a picture of Colin wrapped in a rainbow flag, saying she took him to Pride. He saves that picture to his phone immediately because it’s so cute.

Things might not have gone perfectly, but Dan doesn’t know if they ever would have been.

Part of him still thinks that it might have been better to wait. They’re both exhausted, and perhaps it would have been better to have been at home, so that they could relax for as long as they needed after posting the video.

At the same time, he can’t bring himself to regret coming out when they did. He’s gotten to see how he’s helped actual people simply through sharing his experiences. His subscribers are more than just comments under his videos, they’re real people with real experiences who care about him and Phil.

As Dan plays the final notes of the Interactive Introverts theme, he meets Phil’s eyes under the spotlight, and they share a small smile.

They’re going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed, feel free to reblog on tumblr [here!](https://possumdnp.tumblr.com/post/190867748355/thejunevideo) <3
> 
> (I really enjoyed thinking about this whole concept, and this could have easily been a 30k story! Feel free to drop me prompts on tumblr if you'd like me to write timestamps/other shorter fics for this universe!)


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